June 2013 Update-Outreach Begins Tomorrow and Study on Spiritual Gifts Continues

Tomorrow I will be assisting with, Lord willing, in an outreach headed by a friend of mine who was a pastor.  There is going to be a kick off BBQ tomorrow night and the Bible study begins on Saturday.  My friend will be teaching through the book of John, over the course of several weeks, to those invited from near by apartments who decided to attend.  Another friend of mine did the hard work of inviting everyone she could from her apartment complex to come.  It will be interesting to see how it turns out.

 

While that is going on I am going to begin exercising my spiritual gift(s) and begin writing lessons on the book of Romans.  Once that is completed, the book of Matthew.  Depending on whether the lessons are used, I will consider doing the same with the book of Hebrews and Isaiah.  I also want to complete Bible lessons that go through the major themes of the Bible which could be used for the benefit of Christians and for evangelism purposes.

 

Since it is a topic that I am passionate about, I am continuing to study on the subject of spiritual gifts.  I just completed reading D.A. Carson's book, "Showing the Spirit".  The book confirmed to me many of the convictions I have concerning the spiritual gifts including the idea that there is no Biblical warrant for writing off the gift of tongues completely.  Carson made the point that the gift of tongues is primarily a gift used in prayer, since it is addressed to God.  This seems to address the fact that there seems to be more than just the former International Mission Board President that spoke a "private prayer language" in their devotions.  The anecdotal evidence seems to be that there are those who speak tongues primarily in prayer.  The book addressed the idea that God sovereignly distributes spiritual gifts but that Paul also encourages believers to seek the gift of prophecy (1 Corinthians 14:1).  This reminded me of Jesus' admonition, "seek and you shall find, knock and the door will be open to you", in that we are commanded to pray diligently and ask Him of things even though He is sovereign and already knows what He is going to do.  I believe that all Christians have permanent spiritual gifts but that we may ask God for some gifts to be used on a temporary basis.  The distinction between permanent and temporary gifts was not made in Carson's book but it seemed to be hinted at.  Anecdotal evidence also seems to suggest that Christians may use gifts on a temporary basis.  I believe that I am an example of a Christian that had some gifts on a temporary basis.  It seems that my permanent gift is the gift of teaching.  I seemed to have had the gift of discernment and prophecy on a temporary basis since I have not used the gifts in a long while.  I have always been passionate about exposing false teachings even to this present day.  There has not been any time recently when the Lord gave me the words to say to encourage any church I attended since my first church.  I ask for gifts since I have this burden to be useful in contributing to the spread of the gospel, and I believe that my calling to "preach the Lord to everyone" is still valid.   Perhaps the gifts I presently have are all I need to fulfill the call.

 

Lately I have been reflecting a lot on what I long for the most, having a more intimate relationship with the Lord.  I am thankful for everything He is doing to free me from the false ideas I had about Him, for example, thinking that He does not want to be as close to me as He would other believers.  I am still struggling to trust that He loves me as He say He does, but there are times when I am more aware that He is actively at work in my life to open my eyes to see Him for who He is more clearly.  He recently freed me from a bad job situation very rapidly, causing me to thank Him for hearing my cries for mercy and quickly coming to my aid.  The way that the situation went also caused me to fear Him more in that He takes does not take it lightly when professing believers refuse to hear His words.

I Want to Hear Jesus Say, "Well Done, Good and Faithful Servant"... Committed Christian Is Back!

Today I attended a memorial service for a dear friend and sister in Christ that had passed away recently.  She was a devout Christian having lived her life to the fullest loving God and loving all people that the Lord brought into her life.  She was a woman of great faith and her last words were words of submission to her previous Savior Jesus Christ.  Without a doubt she heard the words, "Well done, good and faithful servant... enter into the joy of your Lord" (Matthew 25:24).  In memory of such a devoted Christian and friend I decided that I will do all I can to make every moment of my life on this earth be Christ glorifying.

 

I bought a new Bible shortly after the Lord pulled me out of my spiritual pit in 2008.  In the midst of my trial of unemployment I wrote a prayer in the back and ever since then wrote short entries concerning what the Lord was convicting me about at the time. 

 

Lord Jesus, please make me fruitful (1 Corinthians 12). July 17, 2012

 

"Not by might, nor by power, but by my Spirit" says the Lord of hosts" (Zech 4:6). October 25, 2012

 

'I will be glorified', I believe that the Lord convicted me about. December 1, 2012

 

1 Peter 4:10. December 9, 2012

 

"Apart from me, you can do nothing" (John 15:5). December 26, 2012

 

One day I will give account to Christ for all my works.  I want to present to Him an abundance of good works.  I must be diligent to serve Him faithfully no matter what people think of me-if I'm worth investing in or not.  The Lord evidently believe that I am worth investing in as He is using circumstance to build my character. March 24, 2013.

 

And today another entry:

 

Are God's words (of promises, etc.) louder than man's words? March 30, 2013

 

God's words were certainly louder than man's words to my dear friend and the Lord used such a trusting disciple to love and be a witness to a host of people over the years He gave her.  So in memory of my friend and in obedience to my precious Savior who loved and gave Himself for me I am back to blogging because I trust that no matter what man may say to me my dear Savior is calling me to love Him with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength and is ready to reward it richly.  May the Lord reward richly by granting me richer communion with Him.  And may He always remind me of the first sermon He used to draw me to Himself in which the pastor preached Jesus saying, "Apart from me, you can do nothing" (John 15:5).

I Suspect That I May Actually Be Back For Good

I did not want to be so quick to begin writing again at any hint that the Lord is not through with me but I now suspect that I was too quick to think that my calling is no longer valid.  After fasting about whether to walk away from the calling last Saturday I was thinking that I was "through" by the time I went to church on Sunday.  By  the Sunday night service I was thinking that I was definitely "through" with the calling.  But out of the blue a friend of mine asked me whether or not my husband and I would be interested in outreach at a local apartment complex with him and another friend of mine.  I could not help but think that perhaps the Lord is 'telling me' that I should not walk away from making a great effort preparing to serve Him towards the end of sharing the gospel.  Time will tell but in the meantime I do not want to neglect my duty to be salt and light in this dark world.

Farewell To Against the Current For Now or Forever

Dear Readers,

You are probably aware of the fact that I have not been posting much for months now. I am far too busy with work and chores to devote time to maintaining this blog. I began Against The Current about four years ago with the intention of being an example of just one of many Christians who have followed the Lord. Just like you, I have similar experiences and struggles. I shared my conversion testimony, my theological journey, spiritual pit experience and how God pulled me out of it, and the call of God on my life to be a missionary and related struggles. I have been struggling much regarding my call to be a missionary and honestly I am weary of trying to obey the Lord in this regard. Throughout my Christian life I had the conviction that the Lord would use me to be a missionary and in doing so show to all looking on that He is able to use even the unlikeliest of people to fulfill His purposes. I have been blasted with doubts for months now concerning the validity of the call and I am weary of resisting it.  This is not the ending I would have wanted for Against the Current, but I am going to quit writing my story now. I have so many doubts now that the Lord would use me as I believed He would that I do not think it is edifying to the church to continue this blog. But I believe that there is still a glimmer of hope that He would, but until He works in my life in an evident way concerning the call I will no longer post on Against the Current.  Perhaps this is but an interlude and I will be writing again.  Farewell, for now or forever.

In Christ,

Committed Christian- Stephanie Marie

Getting on With It

As I was praying about the struggle of doing all I could to serve the Lord keeping in mind the calling He put on my life, my mind drifted to what other people may be thinking about my zeal, and I thought, "Am I nuts?"  I may look absolutely crazy to people in my church.  After all, there is no apparent reason for why I am so dead set on being of greater use to the Lord when it comes to contributing to the Great Commission's completion.  Sometimes it is tempting to think that the dreams I had from the Lord were really all in my head and I should view my zeal as an odd thing and ignore it until it subsides.  But I resolved to keep on being zealous and to do everything in my power to prepare myself to be of greater use to the Lord trusting that He really did call me to preach Him to everyone.  Since it looks like I need to keep it a secret that the Lord called me via dreams to preach Him to everyone and to be involved in missionary work I may just have to look nuts to everyone in my church.  Sometimes the pressure to keep my mouth shut about it is so great that I now wish sometimes that the Lord never gave me those dreams.  But that would betray the fact that I long treasured those dreams and I do not want to spurn the fact that God is a very personal God.  Some may think it is all due to sinful pride and I just need to quit my efforts but I guess I just need to let them think that and mind my own business serving the Lord.  I want to come to the end of my life satisfied that I gave it my all and did not give up.  So I am getting on with it even if people in my church are puzzled by my zeal.

I May Be on My Own For Preparation But It's No Reason to Give Up

After all the time I spent studying the dominant reformed view concerning the topic of ministry and comparing it with what I believe the Bible to teach I came to the conclusion that I cannot expect anyone to help me grow in my ability to serve the Lord Jesus.  People are acting entirely consistent with the dominant reformed view with how they relate me after knowing that I believe I am called to be a missionary.  Some quickly asked me about what my husband is interested in doing and one person even gave me information to pass off to him in order to help him prepare for the ministry that the church thinks he is called to.  Sounds kind of convoluted doesn't it?  It seems like they could not care less about how I could be preparing.  All sorts of people in the church want to help my husband serve the Lord but I am not worth any one's investment.  No one really takes me seriously and since I am a married woman there is little chance that anyone would think I'm worth investing in.  Even when I was unemployed the pastor seemed to think my extra time would have been better spent learning how to be a good cook.  When I shared with him about my desire to do mission work he expects the outcome to be that any boys I may have would end up being ministers.  It seems like the reformed crowd thinks that my only calling is to be a wife and mother and if my husband is called to do mission work then I should follow him.  And if my husband is not called to do mission work, then by default, I am not called either.

 

I do not believe that what they are saying is right but does not change the fact that I cannot trust any of them with my calling nor can I expect anyone to think I'm worth helping to serve the Lord.  It is so easy to get bent out of shape thinking about that but my old youth pastor encouraged me to keep on trusting the Lord to use me.  If I was called to be a missionary then I am a missionary and it does not matter whether people validate the calling or not.  He was encouraged by the passion I have to be a missionary and told me not to abandon the calling but to trust that the Lord would open the door at some point in time.  That being said, I wonder if the Lord simply wants to change my attitude toward the situation.  Maybe going about preparing alone somehow is the only option I have (just like it was before) but instead of getting bitter and angry about the injustice of it all to trust the Lord more and serve Him out of love and leave the results to Him.  It may not be the most efficient way to prepare and it may take me a long time compared to those that have people investing in them to get to the point of being competent in serving the Lord but it is not something to get upset about.  The Lord wants me to love Him with all my might and does not want me giving up on doing that simply because it can be difficult to trust that He does.